


She-Ra and the Impossibility of Forgiveness

by bloatedpeep



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:16:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26737240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloatedpeep/pseuds/bloatedpeep
Summary: The war is over, and Adora has forgiven. Forgiven Catra, Glimmer, Hordak, she's even managed to sort of forgive Shadow Weaver. But she can't forget, and her memories become her greatest weakness.Or, Adora is struggling with PTSD and Entrapta is the only one who notices.OR, the Adora therapy fic we all need
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra), Bow/Glimmer (She-Ra), Entrapta/Perfuma (She-Ra), Mermista/Sea Hawk (She-Ra)
Comments: 19
Kudos: 81





	1. Chapter 1

Mermista is face down on a table in the Brightmoon lab the night that Horde Prime's reign ended, Entrapta standing above her, analyzing the back of her neck.

"Oh wow. There isn't even any wound here! Catra's faded instantly upon removal, and Spinnerella's healed almost as quickly, but I thought maybe since you had the chip for so long that the triggered removal might leave some sort of residual scarring on the neck, but everything seems fine. These chips are quite an intriguing puzzle. Do you mind if I take a tissue sample and a quick X-Ray?" Mermista groans, but nods her consent. Immediately, Entrapta is too absorbed in her work to continue talking.

Once she's done, it's about time for the alliance to reconvene to discuss the next few days. Entrapta is ready to go, about to zoom out of the room, when Mermista grabs her lightly by the shoulder.

"Listen, geek princess, I know that we haven't like, always gotten along or whatever, but you sort of literally saved me and everyone else on Etheria from Prime's control. We didn't give you enough credit. Even though we were totally justified in being upset with you going to the Horde and almost killing us all those times. But that doesn't really matter, because what matters is that you were on our side in the end, and I'm so so glad you were." She says, a rare sincerity and nervousness creeping into her voice towards the end of her speech that even Entrapta notices. She smiles, a bit teary, and pats the sea princess' hand. 

"Does this mean you like me?" Mermista is shocked into a laugh.

"Yeah, nerd, I like you."

<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>

"Entrapta! I've been looking for you!" Entrapta hears Adora holler from behind her. She spins around, smiling brightly at her.

"Really? Well you've found me!" Adora smiles back, her ramrod straight back seemingly relaxing a bit.

"Actually, I was sort of wondering if you could give me some advice." Entrapta stares blankly at her for a moment.

"Me? Advice? I've never been asked for advice before, this is so exciting!" A notepad and pencil appear in front of her, held by her hair. Adora chuckles slightly.

"You're the only person who really gets along with Hordak, and you pretty much completely acclimated Wrong Hordak to the rest of us. None of us are as good with them as you are. I wanted to know what you do? What's your secret?" Entrapta gently sets the notepad and pencil down without writing anything, letting her hair hold her up as she folds her knees into her body. 

"I treat them how I treat everyone. They're just not used to anyone treating them in any other way than Horde Prime did. Just be nice to them." She says gently, her tone very not Entrapta-like. Adora nods, looking like she's realized something. She smiles.

"You know, you're a really, really good person Entrapta." She says, starting to leave when Catra appears at the door to bring them to the kitchens. Entrapta watches as Adora's body tenses to an extreme before relaxing again when she sees her, confused. What does that mean?

<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>

Entrapta's attention becomes very focused on Adora after that. The girl wakes up before anyone else and goes on a two hour run before going back to her room until breakfast every morning. She always stays up as late as possible, often times needing to be dragged to bed by Catra. She notes that the tenseness is the worst around Glimmer, Catra, and Hordak, but she can't think of a connection between the three, or why Adora would feel anything negative towards them. Except Hordak, and even Entrapta understands that growing up under a warlord would probably make you tense around him. 

She's following Adora one day when she sees the girl heading quickly into one of the public restrooms. Wondering why she wouldn't just go back to her room, Entrapta follows. 

Adora is throwing up, and Entrapta can hear her sobbing over the retching noises. Mumbling into thin air, not knowing Entrapta can hear her. 

"Why did you hurt me? _How could you?_ You wanted to hurt me..." She cries quietly between bouts of vomit. Suddenly, she stands up. Entrapta can see her legs wobbling, even just under the stall walls. The door opens and Adora lurches towards the sink, rinsing her mouth out and washing off her face. Finally, she catches Entrapta's purple eyes in the mirror. Her own blue ones become horrified, and she stands up straight, spitting the water in her mouth into the sink. She looks like she's going to say something, but exhaustion crosses over her face before she can and her back hits the outter most wall of the stalls, sliding down until she hits the floor, breathing hard. She gives Entrapta the most intense, complicated look she's ever received, but somehow she understands it perfectly. _Don't talk, but please... don't leave._

So she stays. They sit together on the bathroom floor, silent, not even considering the possibility of someone walking in on them.

Adora starts to stand a long while later, exhaustion permeating throughout her movements. Entrapta, usually anxious about physical contact, rushes to her side immediately, wrapping a large lock of purple hair around her waist, holding her up. She walks her to her room, still not saying a word, and they part at her door. Adora gives her an incredibly grateful look, and stumbles into the room.

Entrapta is surprised to see that Adora goes on her early morning run as usual the next day. She watches from one of the castle balconies as Adora circles the gardens even more times this morning than she has in all the times that Entrapta has watched her run. She adds this to her notes, going through them carefully, trying to solve whatever is going on. Her eyes widen as the realization dawns on her, and she ponders what to do.

It's another day later when she figures it out. She needs to talk to Bow.


	2. Chapter 2

Bow is painting in his and Glimmer's shared room when Entrapta knocks on his door.

"Come on in!" He shouts, tongue between his teeth as he tries to lay down the last stroke of pink in his landscape. 

"That looks just like the deepest part of the Whispering Woods!" Entrapta exclaims, studying the painting.

"Thank you! I have so much free time now that my life isn't all about the war, I've been trying to paint. What's up, Entrapta?" He asks, putting down the brush and gesturing for them to sit on the plush cushions on the floor around a small coffee table. Once they're sat across from each other, Entrapta pulls out her notes. 

"I believe that Adora is suffering from a great deal of post traumatic stress, mainly stemming from the events that occurred between her and Catra, and possibly her and Glimmer. She isn't sleeping, she eats less and less every day, and there are no signs of her getting better. Have you noticed any changes in her behavior?"

"I haven't. Oh, my god, I haven't. I'm a terrible friend."

"No, it would make sense that you haven't. Whenever you and Adora are together, Glimmer is usually present, right?" Bow nods. "Then if I'm right and she's only acting this way around Glimmer and Catra, she would be this way around you too. No change to notice. But, I do have to tell you something serious. A couple of days ago I found her throwing up and crying in the bathroom. I wouldn't tell you if I didn't think something was seriously wrong, but I'm pretty sure that there is, and I think we need to help her before we can't help her anymore." Bow takes a deep breath, a grave look on his face. 

"I should have known something would be wrong. The war was her whole life, even more than us. What do you think we should do?" 

"That's why I'm here. I've identified the problem, but I don't know how to solve it. You're really good at emotions." Bow beams before regaining his grim look. 

"Ok. Thank you, Entrapta. I'll take it from here." He says. "And I'll let you know. You know, you're not so bad at emotions yourself. You've really grown into a great friend." She grins the brightest grin he's ever seen from her, and then turns to go. 

Bow is left with the most impossible task on the planet. Getting Adora to _open up_. He spends the day pondering how, sitting with Adora during her early lunch, taking a walk with her through town. He's absolutely astounded that he didn't notice that she was feeling bad, because out and about alone with him, she's an entirely new person. Grinning and laughing in a way he hasn't seen since early on in their friendship, before the war took it's toll. He forgot how much he loved watching her have fun, too. There's nothing that can put a smile on his faster than one of his friend's smiles.

Still, he doesn't bring up what Entrapta said to him. He isn't sure if he's nervous for himself or for her, so he just tries to bring her out of her shell a bit, and it works. Until they get back to the castle, and Glimmer and comes running through the doors towards them, Catra mosying out after her. He watches as Adora's entire body stiffens, the light in her eyes dims, and her smile looks like a struggle. How had he not noticed this?

"Guys! We just got the news! The next princess ball will be held here in Brightmoon!"

"Yeah, and Sparkles here wants to start planning now even though there's almost half a year until the next one."

"Isn't there only a ball once a decade?" Adora asks.

"The war is over! And all the queens got together and decided that we want to make sure we meet more often. I mean, if all of this taught us anything, it's that we're the strongest when we're together, and we're never going to let the alliance drift apart again, so we thought this would be a good way to keep spirits high and the alliance connected!" Adora nods, and Bow chimes in.

"This is awesome! I already miss all the princesses. We should start planning right away!"

"See, Catra? Some people are _excited_ about fun things." Catra glares playfully, wrapping an arm around Adora's shoulders. Bow watches her relax in the embrace, tense, relax, and tense again. He wonders how Catra doesn't notice this, but then remembers that before he knew to look, he didn't notice it either. 

Adora never really talked about Catra after she left the Horde. He and Glimmer knew that they had been close, but that was it. Over and over they watched Adora flounder in battle when she showed up, easily distracted and clearly not using her full power. It was plain how torn she was, desperate for Catra to come with her. And then one day, her resolve changed and she started pulling her punches less, but not all the way. Like all the hope had drained from her body, everything she did from then on was to win the war, protect people. When Catra saved Glimmer, the conflict raging inside of her was clear, obvious. And then they'd gone to save her, and Adora hasn't told Bow what happened before Adora got Catra to the ship, but for her to turn into She-Ra it must have been a lot. And then the light. Glimmer and Bow watched Adora and Catra embrace, the white glow they took on as they were healed, the magical energy pouring out of them. It was astonishing. Catra had clung onto Adora after that, and they watched as Adora's clung just as hard back. They'd never realized how truly close the pair were, but in that moment, it was clear.

After that, it was obvious how much they loved each other with every interaction they had. The pain hadn't set in then, not the way it has now, in every one of Adora's steps. Bow watches Catra lead her up the stairs, hears them laugh together. He sighs. This is going to be a lot harder than he thought. 


	3. Chapter 3

Bow manages to get Adora alone again the next day, while Catra is in town and Glimmer is on a day trip to see Perfuma. He knocks on her door, and opens it a moment later when she beckons him in. She's doing pull ups on her bed frame, but lets go and wipes her face when he comes in. 

"Hey Bow, how are you?" She asks, and he attributes her relaxed demeanor to the working out and lack of their other friends. He smiles lightly.

"I'm okay. You?" She shrugs.

"You know, the usual." That opens the door for him.

"How would you describe the usual for you Adora?" She balks, face blanking. 

"I dunno, I guess. Fine." 

"See the thing is, Adora, I've been paying more attention and the thing is, I don't think you're fine." Her eyes snap up to his, lowering in suspicion. He treks on. "Adora, I've noticed how you act around Glimmer and Catra. I want to help you." He says softly, reaching out to squeeze her hand. She doesn't respond, shock still. They stand there for a few moments, staring at each other. Then Adora seems to snap herself out of whatever daze she's in, and she pulls her hand out of his, taking a step back. 

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Adora, please. This isn't going away, and however you're dealing with it isn't working, is it?" Shock registers in her eyes for just a second before she lowers her gaze to the floor. "You need to talk about it. You can talk to me, I promise. Or maybe I could get Perfuma here and you guys could talk? She does that type of stuff a lot."

"No, I don't want to talk to Perfuma." Adora grits out. 

"You have to talk to someone."

"Why?" She nearly shouts. "I don't have to do anything. I don't have to _talk_ , I'm She-Ra and I saved the planet. The universe!"

"Is that it? You don't want to talk because you feel like you should feel fine now that everything is over? Adora, it's okay to struggle with the past. We all do sometimes." Adora's eyes shine with shameful tears. 

"I'm scared of my girlfriend, Bow, and I'm always waiting for my best friend to hate me again. To remember that I'm the reason her mother is gone and decide I'm useless again. There's no war to be a necessary part of anymore." Bow is taken aback. He knew she was upset over Glimmer and Catra, but the whole of Etheria?"

"There's no war, but you're still necessary, Adora! We love you. We wouldn't be a team without you. And we're going to work together to help you feel like a better part of the team again, okay? Whatever you need from me, I'm here." The tears fall freely now from Adora's eyes, and he wraps his arms around her. "Everything is going to be okay." They sit like that on her bed for a while, until they hear Glimmer get back. Adora tenses again, grabbing his wrist. 

"You can't tell them. You can't." She says desperately. He nods. 

"Of course, Adora." 

The next day, he's at her door again, having sent Glimmer and Catra off on a few made up errands for him so they would be sure to be uninterrupted. Adora opens the door and he walks in. They sit across from each other, and he notes immediately that she's already very tense. He thinks for a moment. 

"You know what? We should do this somewhere else. I don't think we should be trying to resolve painful memories in your own room. Come on." He leads her into the basement, where there are plenty of rooms lined up, a giant lounge right at the bottom of the stairs. They sit on opposite sides of a large L couch, and she sighs.

"I don't know how to do this. I only ever remember the things when I remember them, it's kind of like I've forgotten them and they only pop back into my head at certain times. And even when I do remember something regularly, it always cuts off. I get lost and can't remember the rest."

"Well, maybe now we can just talk about what the memories make you feel." Adora nods, looking reassured. 

"I feel hopeless. I forgave Glimmer and Catra. I did, I forgave them, I hold no resentment toward them. But... I can't make what they did stop hurting. I've tried everything, Bow. I don't know how to make it stop hurting." Bow's heart aches at the words. "How did you stop hurting? With Glimmer? She hurt you too."

"Well, for one, I think about Scorpia. I know that Glimmer made Scorpia reconnect with the black garnet for selfish reasons, but Scorpia deserves her powers. To be a princess. And I'm glad that we're out of Despondos. At least I think I am. As long as no more hordes of things try to take over the planet. And then I remember how much Glimmer loves me. But she was nowhere near as mean to me as she was you. And you had to deal with more consequences, breaking the sword, which can also be argued to be a good thing but it did still put you through a great deal of pain."

"Scorpia does deserve to be a princess. I hadn't thought of it that way. Thanks Bow. I wish I could remember things properly to talk about them, but it's like they're buried under concrete." 

"We'll work on it, and we'll get you feeling better. I promise."

When they're done, Bow heads to the lab to talk to Entrapta. She keeps talking about going back to Dryl, but she's obviously reluctant to do so, though he doesn't know why.

"Bow! Hold this!" She stuffs a large metal cylinder into his hands with her hair, darting around the lab grabbing pieces that she fits to a machine in the middle of the room. 

"What are you making, Entrapta?" He asks. She ignores him, grabbing the cylinder from his hands after a moment and fitting it into place. A few minutes later she steps back, admiring her creation. 

"Look, it's Emily!" The thing does not look like Emily, but it gives off its little mechanical hum all the same. 

"What did you do to her?"

"Oh, well now she flies. I love Darla and everything, but I wanted a ship of my own! I think she's functional, too! I'll have to start testing tonight." Bow nods. 

"Okaaaayyyy, make sure you're careful alright? Listen, I wanted to ask you something. Is there a way to access memories? Like with technology?"

"Is this about Adora?"

"Yes, we're talking but she's having trouble recalling certain things for us to work through together." Entrapta moves quickly to her chair, spinning before she stops in front of her computer, typing rapidly. 

"Sorry Emily, I'll have to test you tomorrow! I have work to do! I'll get back to you, Bow." She says, already focused on her task. Bow grins. 

"Thank you, Entrapta. You're amazing."


	4. Chapter 4

Adora always liked Catra's fire. She was always her own person, while Adora was always just a soldier. And then She-Ra. Catra was always so passionate, true to herself, even when it was angry and bitter. After Adora left of course, Catra stopped being exactly herself and sort of turned into a manic, depraved lunatic but the snark, the personality was always there. 

When Adora found out that Catra thought she lived in her shadow, she was utterly shocked. Catra was so capable, adept, and all without even putting in the work. Adora had always admired her intensity, how she stood up to Shadow Weaver, how she didn't have to fit in with the rest of their squadron. She'd never even considered the possibility that Catra was her competition, or that Catra thought of her as competition. 

She was always oblivious like that. Looking back now, after seeing all the memories in the Crystal Castle and the things Catra said to her throughout the war, it seems obvious that Catra had resented her. Catra's temperament had always been one of her strongest traits, always lashing out, possessive over Adora. And Adora now sees that she enjoyed that possessiveness, until it had turned on her when she found the sword and became She-Ra. She'd wanted to share that with Catra, and to this day, can't clearly see _why_ Catra refused to come with her.

She'd always hated the Horde. And apparently, she'd known that they were evil. That, to Adora, was the biggest betrayal. She had lived in ignorance her entire life, grown accustom to cruelty. Shadow Weaver had abused her into submission, something she could never do to Catra. Adora had always wondered how Catra didn't see that she was stronger than her. She stood up to Shadow Weaver, she knew she didn't deserve cruelty. Adora didn't. She thought it was normal. How could her friend let her live in that ignorance and then be shocked when she was shown the light?

But Shadow Weaver had manipulated them both into this, Adora knew that for sure. She could see now how Shadow Weaver had made her responsible for Catra's behavior to make sure that Catra would grow to resent her. How she'd favored her so heavily in front of her other squad mates and only punished her in the dark, knowing that Adora's pride was too strong to admit what was happening behind closed doors. She wishes more than anything she could take her hindsight back in time. Maybe if she'd just let Catra come with her to find the sword, she would have come with her. Maybe not. Either way, she just wishes things had happened differently, so she could just stop hurting.

With Glimmer, things were different. Adora had never felt the type of betrayal she felt while Glimmer was working with Shadow Weaver that she felt then before. It burned in her heart, Glimmer trusting her abuser like that. Didn't she remember how terrified Adora had been in Mystacor? How could she actively hold that relationship over her head, claim that she was just upset because she 'wasn't Shadow Weaver's favorite anymore'? That had hurt almost as much as when Glimmer told her that she was the reason her mother was dead. 

Adora gave up everything except her life for that war, and just saying that is a stretch. Knowing that part of Glimmer resented her for not sacrificing herself, she should have expected it but truly did not. It made sense, and if it had been anyone else in the portal with her mother she would probably have resented them too, but that hurt Adora too. Another pain that no matter how much she acknowledges it, forgives, reasons with herself, wont go away.

So when she goes to the basement lounge to meet Bow and sees him standing behind Entrapta, who is hooking up a small machine to the ceiling, she decides to go in with an open mind. _Anything to make this stop,_ she thinks, and clears her throat. Bow spins around while Entrapta ignores her, busy. 

"Adora! Great, Entrapta is almost done. Listen, I thought about what you were saying, about feeling like your memories are trapped under concrete. I talked to Entrapta and she built this thing, she's better at explaining it." Entrapta sinks to the floor, flipping up her face mask, revealing her brilliant grin. 

"This machine will analyze the part of your brain that stores memories, and display them on this screen!" She says, pulling down a white screen from the ceiling. "Even things you can't fully remember, the machine can find them. Of course, they'll all be displayed through your eyes, which will make watching it a little weird. I suggest starting with something small, something that won't be too much, and work your way up. You know, if you want to use it." A slight bit of insecurity creeps into her voice at the end of her speech. Adora doesn't know what to say, gaping at even the idea that such a machine could even be built, not even pausing to consider the implications this would have on her own memory recovery.

"You're a genius, Entrapta." She says, and the girl beams, grabbing her with her hair and pulling her over to the machine. She grabs a thin piece of something that looks like a plastic swim cap attached to the machine with wires, and hands it to her. 

"When you put this on, all of your memories will be downloaded into this computer." She gestures at the setup attached to the wall. "You can sort through them, they're all coded to how you remember them, I'm 99.9% sure that you'll be able to tell which ones are which!" Adora turns to Bow, who is looking at her with an insecure expression. 

"Do you want to try?" He asks. She grabs the cap, and puts it on. 

"Why not? Entrapta, download my memories!" She says, and feels a whir of magic and energy cloud her head for a few moments. When it fades, she can see the computer in front of her downloading masses of data, her memories, and feels a slight embarrassment at the thought of all these memories there for anyone to see. 

"Oh, and you're the only one who can access this computer. Well, and me of course in case of need for repairs, but only with your permission!" Adora's worries quiet, and she steps towards the computer, scrolling through the endless files. Entrapta was right, she does have a vague awareness of what each contains. She searches for one of the memories her and Catra were shown in the crystal castle, figuring if it thought they were the best place to start, she does too. She clicks on a memory, and watches as light starts to stream from the projector onto the screen. Entrapta hands her a remote. "Just click the button in the middle and it will start! I'll get out of here now." She says, making her way to the stairs. 

"Entrapta, wait!" The small girl turns around, looking earnestly back at her. "Do you think you could stay?" Adora asks. Entrapta teeters, obviously unsure. 

"You know I'm not very good at emotions..." She says.

"Yes you are, just in a very different way than us. I think your input would be helpful, but you know. Only if you want to." The nervousness in Entrapta's gaze disappears. 

"If you think I could help, I'd love to!" She squeals. Adora sits down on the couch, takes a deep breath, and presses the button on the remote.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. I'm not a great writer and I'm pretty bad at updating but I promise I am going to do this as well as possible and finish it!


End file.
